Hjelle: Off Topic, But Passionate

Chumpelopithecus watchers are known to wait long hours (or fast forward until their thumbs are sore) to see this elusive hominid spring from torpor into his famous, furious rage. In this respect, Monday's meeting did not disappoint. Besides the obligatory slings and arrows cast at persons not present (such as council member Will Rossbach or citizen Dale Trippler), and always some angry howling at the media, we were treated to a perfect exemplar of Chumpelopithecus behavior: When Xcel's representative stepped forward to answer council questions about the electric franchise tax, I mean, fee increase, Chumpelopithecus launched immediately into a screeching tirade about how city fire trucks have to be on hand whenever there's a gas leak to repair, and similar outrages.

Some citizens, lacking the specially cultured palate that can appreciate the unusual behavior of Hjelle (as one might learn to savor a malodorous cheese), actually took him to task later in the meeting for his rudeness and irrelevance. Those of us who might want to preserve the office of this endangered hominid have a difficult task, I fear, to convince the electorate not to eliminate what surely looks like a noisome, invasive species.

If there was a sharp point hidden amidst the soft flying poo he hurled, it seemed to be that the city should really charge more taxes or fees to Xcel. Of course, Xcel could be expected to pass those taxes along to their Maplewood customers. Unlike, say, a trucking company that might have a spill on the freeway, and thus might pass clean-up and insurance costs to their customers somewhere far away, Xcel's customers are us, and so we could expect them to pass along higher costs (such as being billed for Maplewood firemen standing at the ready while they repair a gas leak) right here at home.

This is not the kind of subtle thinking you can expect a Chumpelopithecus to master. We must learn to enjoy the grunting and chest-beating for the entertainment that it is, however devoid of substance.